My academic background

In 2006, I decided to pursue a PhD in Sociology at Stanford University to deepen my understanding of how our social world influences the ways we relate to gender and sexuality. I wanted to understand not only the family dynamics and interpersonal relationships but also the broader cultural forces that impact how we relate to ourselves as emotional and sexual beings. 

As a graduate teaching instructor, I began offering courses on sex positive approaches to exploring romantic and sexual relationships through the course of life. I also began working on an extensive national research project examining college heterosexual hookup culture. Through teaching and conducting research, I discovered how often folks feel sexually disempowered, how little they know about their own sexuality, and how afraid they are to ask for what they want and need. I found that while women have more freedom to be sexual than in previous generations, they still face challenges in claiming their right to pleasure and feeling confident to ask for it. And I found that men also found themselves in disempowering experiences when trying to create intimacy due to the social pressures that emphasize performance over authentic connection. I also saw how access to information and the encouragement to engage in self-inquiry radically transformed my students’ perspectives and created a pathway towards empowered exploration. 

As a queer person and trans ally, it was important to me to offer courses and conduct research on queer identities and experiences, including pathways to queer exploration and identity formation. In effort to help normalize the identities and experiences of individuals who defy those binaries, I created a course called Destroying Dichotomies to help deconstruct the socially created categories of male/female, man/woman and straight/gay. In 2009, I chose to focus my dissertation research on trans and genderqueer discrimination in the workplace. And in 2018, I published my book Gender Ambiguity in the Workplace: Trans and Genderqueer Discrimination based on the findings from this research.

My professional journey

Looking for ways to take my work outside the world of academia, I started offering workshops to help folks gain the tools they need to find the kinds of experiences and connections they're seeking. In 2014, I created my first experiential workshop, How to Be a Feminist in the Bedroom, to encourage folks to feel entitled to say no, to discover their wants and needs, and to feel confident to ask for them. Since then, I have created more than 20 different workshops on topics ranging from maximizing pleasure to flirting and seduction to non-monogamy and play parties to repairing conflict and more. I also offer lengthy courses and weekend retreats for more accelerated and in-depth learning.

After graduating with my PhD, I have continued my education completing a two-year comprehensive training, a one-year trauma training, and 60 hours of couples trainings with the Hakomi Institute of Psychotherapy. I have also completed the year-long comprehensive and couples trainings in the Somatica method of sex and relationship coaching. I employ all of these modalities and more in my coaching practice, as I support individuals and couples of all ages, genders, races, sexual orientations, and relationship styles deepen intimacy and pleasure in their lives.   

In 2019, I was delighted to rejoin Stanford University as a lecturer in the Wellness Education program teaching Sexual and Emotional Intimacy Skills to both undergraduate and graduate students. In this course we address the art and science of intimacy through a sociological lens, addressing consent, embodiment, boundaries, empathy, flirting, escalation, fantasies, pleasure, selecting partners, repairing conflict, navigating break-ups and more. And since 2021, I have been delighted to also offer this course in a virtual format to those outside of academia. 

The path I’ve taken to become empowered in my sexuality has had many twists and turns. What remains as true now as when I began is that I am devoted to helping all of us feel empowered to explore and express themselves.